


she's undeniably real

by nbsherlock



Series: and so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, F/F, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, IPRE Era, Kissing, more loose understanding of evocation spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsherlock/pseuds/nbsherlock
Summary: she's hard to look at, right now.-lup & lucretia consider logic versus emotion.





	she's undeniably real

**Author's Note:**

> another part of this series. this time with no magnus? which kind of shakes up my original plan but. here ya go. tw for character death but as always they will return.  
> title from billy joel's leave a tender moment alone because the joke is strong and i can't stop. not beta'ed because who cares.

****It happens so quickly.

Lucretia turns to look just as the sound rings out. She can’t locate its origin, the shock so strong that her mind spins with the effort to find it.

One second, Magnus is standing there, and then he’s gone. One second, and a tortured scream fills every corner of the cave they stand in. One second, and Taako turns to look at his sister in confusion. One second, and Taako is gone as well.

Lucretia sees all of it, and her hands twitch to write it all down. Instead, she shouts, “go, go, quick,” and hurries Lup out of the cave.

They stand on the outside, Lucretia’s senses still dulled, Lup’s chest heaving. Lucretia can hear her mumbling something to herself, frantic, terrified. Gripping at her face and her hair and Lucretia wants so badly to reach out and hold, to comfort. But she doesn’t know how. She’s never been good at this. She wasn’t even supposed to come on this trek out into what they previously thought was no-man’s-land. But she insisted. And now, just a storyteller, she freezes up.

This isn’t a story she wants to tell. Not in the least.

Lup lets out another anguished cry that sends shivers down Lucretia’s spine. Somewhere, she can hear her own voice, saying, “Lup, we have to get back to the ship, Lup, we have to go.” But it sounds so far away that it can’t have possibly come from her.

Lup turns to her, eyes red and welling up with tears. She looks like she’s in pain, like crying isn’t relieving the tension but adding more on. “I don’t want to go back,” she says.

Reason over emotion, Lucretia thinks. She has to be reasonable. She can’t let this get the best of her. “Lup, we need everyone we can get, now that they’re gone.”

Lup shakes her head, frantic, like she wants to shake the thought out. “They can’t be gone,” she says.

“They’ll be back.” Isn’t that enough? Lucretia doesn’t know. Lup moans, her eyes shut tight. “For now, let’s go back to the ship, alright?” She holds out a hand to her.

Lup cracks an eye open and glances at her hand. She starts towards the ship on her own.

\--

Lucretia takes her time walking back. Lup had already made it half way to the ship by the time Lucretia had calmed her breath enough to start. She straightened her glasses, took a deep breath, and began the trek back.

Before she enters the ship, she hears a message. It says, “Don’t try to comfort me. I want to be alone.”

Lucretia closes her eyes and walks into the ship. Works up all the courage she can muster and sends, “Too bad. I’ll be there in five.”

Again, she thinks. Reason over emotion. There’s no need to get upset. You need to remind her that they’ll both be back.

Her hands twitch, still aching to write.

\--

Lup’s room is lived in, but neat. She’s sitting in the corner of her bed (made, never used?) where it meets the wall and stares at Lucretia with hooded eyes. “I told you not to come in here.”

“I told you I wasn’t going to listen.”

Lup smiles, the corner of her mouth quirking up. “Didn’t know you had a spine, Lucy.”

Lucretia feels a blush crawl over her face involuntarily. She wants to cover up, hide the reaction. Reason over emotion. That’s what will help in this situation. Right?

“Anyway, since you’re here.” Lup smacks the mattress next to her. “Sit down.”

Lucretia sits on the mattress and folds her legs under her, stares at the blanket on top of it. She doesn’t know where to start. Well, she knows where she _wants_ to start. She wants to ask, why Magnus? Why did it hurt so much when you saw him die? But she knows that is not where she _ought_ to start. Perhaps it would be better to start with,

“I’m sorry.”

Lup snorts. “We all die. We all come back. It’s been long enough for me to know that.”

Lucretia looks at her for a split second before having to look away. She’s hard to look at, right now. Her eyes rimmed with red, her posture screaming that she’s fine. Her lip are bitten and bloodied, but they keep smiling.

“Then why did it upset you so much?”

Lup rolls her eyes, “I wasn’t upset. It was just… shock.”

“You seem upset.”

“I’m not,” she says with finality.

Lucretia picks at her robes. She glances over at Lup again. She’s motionless, still keeping her posture. Reason isn’t the way to go about this, then.

“Have you been spending a lot of time with Magnus?”

Lup flinches. “No,” she says it fast, hurried. “Not more than I’ve spent with anyone else.”

“I think that’s a lie.”

Lup stiffens, “If you’re gonna accuse me of lying, I don’t think I want you in my room anymore, Lucy.”

“I just want you to be honest with me so I can help-“

“You _can’t_ help!” She shouts, her hands balling into fists. “No one can help, there’s nothing _to_ help.”

“We can at least _talk_ , Lup.”

“No we _can’t_!” She screams, her hand shooting a firebolt at a table across the room. The action shocks her out of her rage. “Fuck. Fuck, I’m sorry. I wasn’t… I mean I _was_ thinking about it but I didn’t think…” She holds her head in her hands. She shakes for a bit and then sits up straight again, now laughing hysterically, tears in her eyes. “If _Taako_ were here he could put the fucking fire out,” Lup grips her hair. “This is so _stupid_.”

Lucretia stands and puts it out with a glass of water next to Lup’s bed, then covers it with a towel from her dresser.

She sits back down on the bed and looks at Lup, who is now shaking and crying, silently. “I want to help you.”

Lup swallows, “I don’t know how you can.”

Lucretia takes a leap, “How does Magnus usually do it?”

Lup pales. “We just talk, I guess.”

“Then let’s talk.”

Lup looks at the singed table. “I don’t know if I can talk to you.”

Lucretia feels a pang in her chest. “Why not?”

Lup tilts her head, “You just seem so… unaffected by it all.” She motions with her hands, “I mean I can’t _know_ that, but you’re always so calm and you know everyone’s coming back but like…” she starts laughing. “We don’t even know what we’re fighting, here! What if they _don’t_ come back one time and then. Then what? They’re just gone forever?”

Lucretia clears her throat. “I am… affected.” Lup opens her mouth to interrupt, “No, it’s okay, I just. I’ve always viewed things in terms of logic and emotion. And I know that they’ll be back when the year is through. So, I don’t let my emotions interfere with my judgement. I guess,” she chuckles, “sometimes it would be smart to let my emotions take reign for a bit.”

Lup blinks. “Um,” she starts. “I’m sorry… that I said that stuff about you not being affected and…”

“It’s fine. Actually, thank you.”

Lup’s eyebrows scrunch up, “Thank me?”

Lucretia laughs, “I needed the reminder.”

In the back of her mind, Lucretia notices that the tips of Lup’s ears are flushed, her cheeks pink. But if she were writing this all down, she wouldn’t take note of it.

“Lucy,” Lup starts.

Lucretia looks at her.

“Would it be weird if I hugged you?”

Lucretia blinks. “No.”

Lup crawls across her bed and wraps her arms around Lucretia. Her body is warm, comfortable. She says into Lucretia’s ear, “Magnus hugs me, sometimes.”

Lucretia thinks about this, “Does he?”

“Yeah. It’s not like… y’know. He’s nice but I’m not into him at all. He’s just really good at hugging.”

Lucretia wonders how they got from firebolts to this. “I see.”

Lup curls deeper into Lucretia, her lips against her neck. “You can hug back, you know.”

Lucretia belatedly realizes her arms are hanging at her sides. She slips them up through Lup’s and wraps her arms around her. “Okay.” She breathes. “What else does Magnus do?”

Lup laughs and Lucretia can feel the vibration of it against her neck, against her chest. “You don’t have to do what Magnus does.” Lup pulls back and looks at her. She is so beautiful that Lucretia’s chest aches. She wants to write this down. “Do what Lucy would do.”

Lucretia feels frozen. _She_ doesn’t even know what she would do. “I don’t know what that is.”

Lup shrugs. “Then I’ll do what Lup does.”

And then she kisses her.

It’s the most confusing feeling. Everything changes. She goes from confused, to shocked, to nervous, to scared, to so, so, so happy. Her body warms up. Her hands search for purchase along Lup’s back. She wants to write this anywhere and everywhere. Wants to write it into novels and tell everyone, absolutely everyone.

Lup pulls back a bit and says, against her lips, “You can kiss me back.”

Lucretia blinks, and Lup kisses her again. This time, she kisses back.

When they part, Lup is flushed and her chest rises and falls quickly. “You’re cute.”

Lucretia opens her mouth and then closes it again. Then she says, “So are you.”

Lup sits back from having been previously sitting on Lucretia’s lap and rolls her shoulders. “Huh,” she smiles. “I feel a lot better.”

Lucretia stares at her. “I’m glad.”

Lup twines their fingers together. “Are _you_ okay?”

Lucretia considers the question. “No.”

“And that’s fine?”

Lucretia smiles and nods, “That’s fine.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments are cool and always appreciated. feel free to let me know what you wanna see next. magnus & lup? lup & lucretia? magnus & lucretia? maybe even taako??? who has literally not been in this series yet??? hmu @margaritaville on tumblr. thanx


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